Leopold I, Kaiser des Heiligen Römischens Reichs

Oh gather round, oh gather round my friends, tradesmen, boys and girls, all come hither!

kommen und hören the story of the great Kaiser, our saviour. Come and hear the tale, come and hear of the man who saved our Christian ways!   

Not since the days of Radbot, graf von Habsburg, who led the Habsburgs down off their lonely mountain top in sleepy Aargau during the 10th century, the very count who by the grace of God led the Habsburgs to glory, who outwitted the mighty Hohenstaufens as rulers of the Empire, has House von Habsburg been lead by a man of vision. The reign of Leopold I, our beloved Kaiser, has been a successful one - you and I sir, you mam and your littlen, we are all better off because of it. He has saved us from destruction and since been our great protector - it is as if he were protected by God himself would you not think, but even so, one day he'll pay his eternal debt, but not until Austria reigns on high! Now, compared to the other great Houses of Europe, our Kaiser's House, our heimat ladies and gentlemen, have not faced near total destruction at the hands of savages from beyond the horizon, where our mighty Danube joins the sea. We have, and damned be the man who says otherwise, for I was there, I fought but a few ways from the Kaiser himself! Our Kaiser has truly been tested. Least we forget that era know by us all as the Dunkle und schrecklichen Tage (Dark and Terrible Days). 

You there, you remember it? How many men from your home did you lose? three? five? nine? And you there, that missing leg? Did one of them take it from you at the siege of Belgrade? Look around, this place seems new, wouldn't you say. You'd be right, as they advanced they stole everything, slaughtered our livestock, trashed our mills, killed the young boys, burn't down our churches, and burn't our towns! 

Not true you say, sir? You're a blind fool!

The armies, they came, hundreds of thousands, maybe even one million men, an entire peoples with swords in hand marching across the ocean, literally rising from the sea into Europe with one aim: the destruction of our way of life, of the Empire. But, in the way, there stood a determined house, led by a brave Kaiser, our good Kaiser Leopold. He ordered Vienna to stand firm, to hold out, and it did. He commanded his armies to fight, and they did. He told his people to trust him, so we did. He summoned his allies, and they came. He prayed to the Lord, and the Lord answered. Although driven from the field, he promised his people that he would return for them. No matter how hard Vienna was hit, the great fortress city did not surrender, did not give in - even after a year siege and the starvation of its populace. In 1683, just as he said he would, our Kaiser returned with a new army of men from all over the Empire, from our wonderful allies in Poland and Russia, a Catholic League , and some say, so the story goes go, he returned with the 'Spear of Destiny', yes, the very spear said to have pierced Christs' chest at the crucifixion spilling the holy blood which cured Longinus of his blindness. With one swing, Leopold opened the heavens releasing a great plague on the invaders, filling their ranks with illness and malcontent. Their food stores turned to dust, their mauls died of sickness, their spears turned to sand. He swung the spear again to level the mountains and forests so that his armies could pass around the enemy, and then with one final command opened the very ground on which our invaders stood!


Of course, this is true, I was there, and our victory can only be explained an act of God - the ground looked different to me 


Our homeland safe, the Kaiser and his generals, with the great Polish worrier king, pushed the invaders out of Austria and the lands they call Hungary into the wilderness to the south where the dreaded worrier people, the Croatman, roams. With sight like no other men, Leopold saw that we had to march on the city of Belgrade. He saw that this is where the invades would be stopped once and for all, where the war would be ended. So off our armies marched. Off they marched further than any Habsburg army had gone before - into the valley of the beast. Over the ten years or so battle after battle was fought, but every one of which our Kaiser won. Belgrade fell in 1688. This truly was Der Große Türkenkrieg. The wars continued on and off, the Polish fighting on their fronts, us on ours, and the Russians, theirs. But we all prevailed, we learned how to fight new, larger wars under trying conditions - we knew how to use tactics, and finally we defeated the enemy ending these great wars all at once, only two years ago in 1699

The wars left our heimat scarred and deformed, but our resolve has never been stronger. Our Kaiser saw only victory or total destruction, and destruction was not an option for the Kaiser, the protector, so we kept fighting until we won. Those wars were truly the darkest chapters in our history, but we can take solace in the fact that the use of tactics by our great worrier Kaiser has helped establish a house that I dare say will last for another 1000 years, at least. War has made Austria, and now, now we will be on the map for years to come. The Hungarians will love us Austrians always because of what we've done, and our good Kaiser loves his subjects all equally. The Hungarians will be at home in Austria. 

Although our Kaiser has made mistakes in the past, and I can say this because he is like us, the common man, who laughed and listened to our fears in the last war, who ate and marched with us. Anyway, yes, mistakes, like building that damned Reichsbank outside the Empire and his failure to prevent the expulsion of Jews from Germany, plus, for reasons that even baffle this old solider, his march on Swedish Pomerania. However, I promise you, he is a man of great dynastic vision, so stubborn that he very rarely changes his course of action, so determined that all his actions since 1683 have only resulted in the rise of our heimat to a palace of importance in Europe. This new crisis will surely be done with soon. The Habsburgs have always been a house with which one can do business - they look after and reward their allies with riches and territory, this is a promise, Leopold's promise, just as they promise to deal with their enemies as the farmer does with his bad crops. History should remember our great kaiser as Leopold the Ruthless or Great, which reads better. Our Kaiser has brought us so far, and he continues to take the House of Habsburg where it has never been before.

Radbot proved there exist great chances and possibilities outside one's lonely mountain top castle, our daring Kaiser continues even now to show that this thinking still guides that glorious House of which will all serve   


**storm clouds rumble in the West**